Some of the best sites like Fetlife are what I’ve included in this list for 2021. BDSM and kinks are still not socially accepted. Well, the sites listed below will let you find partners with similar interests in seconds.
Most of these websites even have specific “kink” tags and filters. You can choose exactly what in BDSM excited you. The filters let you find people who like what you’re searching for.
Doesn’t matter where you live, most of these sites are globally available. And hey, every single user there is already a BDSM-lover, no awkwardness or judgement there.
The 8 Best Sites Like Fetlife in 2021
Every single site listed here is almost exclusively dedicated to BDSM and kink dating. If that’s what you’re here for, you won’t be disappointed.
- Ashley Madison
- BDSM Singles
- My BDSM Hookups
- Benaughty (not BDSM-exclusive).
1. Ashley Madison
When it comes to non-traditional dating, noting beats Ashley Madison. By “non-traditional”, I mean it’s a website that’s primarily made for married dating. But then again, BDSM too isn’t a very traditional (or even socially welcomed) form of desire, is it?
On Ashley Madison, you’d find over 60 million users! That means you’ve more options than you’d ever need.
More importantly, no one ever gets to know you’re using the site or that you’re into BDSM/Kinks.
The company takes your privacy very seriously. For starters, you get complete and full control over who gets to view your photos! You can even add masks and blurs to your photos to make them unrecognizable.
As for BDSM, you can chat in real-time with the other users. Just find someone you like, and see if they’re into the same things as you. Even without that, the profiles have very direct sexual preferences listed. This information is free for everyone.
Travelling somewhere? Ashley Madison has a dedicated feature to help you find someone in the city you’re travelling to!
Want to get noticed? It has a “priority message” feature. The interface is very professional as well. It even shows you who’s online, their age, full size photos, physical features, what interests them, languages they speak and a lot more absolutely free!
You can search for profiles based on their distance from you, if they have private photos, last login date/time, relationship status, physical features etc.
It’s not just a website but also available as Android and iOS apps! You’d not be disappointed even if you’re looking for a website better than Fetlife, Ashley Madison is that.
With over 938,147 active members, Alt.com is probably one of the most member-rich BDSM dating sites. Hey, it’s a very specific and particular niche, so yes; the numbers are impressive.
Registration is completely anonymous. However, do not fill in gibberish. Each profile goes thorough a verification and is “denied” if you create a spam profile.
No personal data required. You only need to confirm your e-mail ID. It’s one of the most “social” websites like Fetflife on this list. Why so?
Well, for starters, there’s a “feed”. You can create new posts and users can comment/react to those posts.
As far as resemblance to Fetflife goes, well it without doubt is a BDSM/kink partner-finder.
It has some very descriptive kinks you can fill out, and choose from. Just some of these are blood, bondage, blindfolds, chains, candle wax, torture, kidnapped roleplay etc.
It also has a direct kink search feature. You can directly search for the kink which turns you on the most. There are over a few hundred kinks for you to choose from!
A few more generic features include adding friends, sending “flirts”, gifts etc. There’s another feature which shows you who viewed your profile!
You can’t view complete profiles without subscribing. However, hovering over profile photos displays the age, location, profile data, their interests etc.
Plans start at about $$20.09/month. Do note that free members can’t contact you unless you get a profile “enhancer”.
The name makes it clear why it may be an alternative to Fetlife, doesn’t it?
I loved its gender and sexuality options. I mean, you can literally find over a dozen genders and half a dozen sexualities when registering. This makes sure you can express yourself to the truest extent.
It’s pro-privacy. You’re asked to fill a name, but, not your real-name. It auto-suggests thousands of names you can choose from. Moreover, it strictly prohibits you from sharing contact details in the bio/intro sections.
What makes it most similar to Fetlife? You get to choose your bed-preferences. It offers options such as “dominant”, “switch”, “brat”, “sissy” and many others.
You can even choose your interests. Options include bondage, humiliation, wax, latex, voyeurism and so much more.
It also has this unique “send flirts” feature. In other words, you get to write up to 500 words of “flirt” (or bio/intro/ anything interesting). The website then auto-sends it to people who match your criteria.
What’s a bit unacceptable (to me) is that all the sent flirts are manually reviewed. While not a “privacy-breach”, I’m still not comfortable. But hey, it’s not a deal-breaker.
It also has an in-built photo editing tool which allows cropping photos for anonymity. It allows uploading 9 photos at once and even offers “advise” on how to make the photos more appealing.
As far as the search-filters go, you can search for gender, sexuality, age, distance-range, and location.
The best part is you get complete access to profiles. Sending messages requires paid subscription. Although do note that the user-database isn’t very impressive for now.
Let’s move to another alternative on the list of best sites like Fetlife.
Fetster markets itself as “a 100% free BDSM dating site”. While that’s exciting, the registration form isn’t. In other words, you’ll need to fill in a very long form in order to register.
On the flip side, it makes sure every single profile on Fetster is extremely detailed. Also, this discourages spammers or those who aren’t serious!
It does require your “real name” for registration, it’s not shown to the other Fetster members.
As far as the BDSM angle goes, you get to select your orientation right there during registration. You can either be a switch, slave, dominator, crossdresser or be interested in roleplay, cuckold, daddydom and a lot more. Fetster accepts people belonging to over 12 different genders as well.
What’s your ultimate goal? Is it a relationship? Finding artists? No strings attached fun? You get to select that as well. This keeps things honest and transparent between you and your future partner.
Once you do log in, you can either join groups, or view user profiles directly. There’s even a confession section, it’s anonymous.
You’re granted completely unrestricted access to user profiles, their photos, friends and gifts! The best part? You can even send messages to other users, absolutely free!
The search-filters are more than impressive. Apart from physical features, education, religion, gender etc. you can even search for “sizes” of different body parts (if you know what I mean).
Finally, there’s also a verification feature. It’s not very visible but the admins do verify profiles. It’s on an “individual case” basis and not for each profile.
5. BDSM Singles
If you’re single and you like BDSM, this is for you. Before you go further, note that this is USA-exclusive, hence, if you’re not in the States, just scroll down.
Even before you register, the website shows you a few profiles. Each profile has its own “contact preference”. This tells you what the other person is looking for. The data generally includes location, ultimate goal, sex preferences etc.
Profile access is completely free. You get access to photos, age, location, last online time etc.
You can also directly check “who’s online”. This lets you find active and online members in a jiffy.
How about a dedicated section, primarily for somewhat “revealing” photos? Well yes, it does have that.
You can “flirt” with users or send them direct messages. Obviously some of these features require registrations. The one aspect I loved here is higher number of female profiles. That’s not something you get to see often on these sites.
Also, the website is a part of a larger network. As a result, when you signup here, you also get listed on other similar sites like Fetlife for free.
6. My BDSM Hookups
Another great addition to the list of sites like Fetlife. The name tells you everything you need to know, right? It’s made for BDSM-enthusiasts. However, in addition to hookups, it also has options for long term relations, romance, meets etc.
As soon as you start, you can select if you’re interested in domination, submission or switching.
As for fetishes, you can select from bondage, spanking, erotic fiction, discipline and a few other options.
On the homepage, it has a “yes/no” interface. You’re shown profiles, their intro, location, sexuality and gender. You can show you interest by clicking “yes”.
Accessing profiles is 100% free. Full sized photos, complete profile info, and everything else can be accessed without having to pay.
It does have that “social” element. Users can leave comments on the uploaded photos. Blogs, forums, and events too are available.
The user-database is pretty impressive as well. At any given time, I’ve seen over 50,000 members online! It even shows you who has viewed you in real-time, for free!
It offers badges for e-mail verification! Also, you’re notified when a sender doesn’t match your interests! Pretty neat features, eh?
The search-filters do require some work. You can only search based on a distance-range, gender, and what they’re looking for.
While paying is completely optional, it does unlock a few features. For starters, you get to send “priority messages”, these are shown above other messages. And even free members get to read your messages (free users can’t read messages from paid users otherwise).
If you aren’t happy with your experience in the first 30 days, you get the next 30 days free! Plans start at $17.24/month.
Kinkoo is one of those alternatives to Fetlife which mirrors Tinder’s interface to an extent.
When signing up, you obviously get to select your kink/BDSM fetish. The usual options include dominator, slave, cuckold, bondage and so on.
The one aspect I didn’t like on Kinkoo is that it has a mandatory “photo upload” requirement.
Anyway, once you login, you’re instantly shown a few profiles. As mentioned earlier, it has a Tinder-like interface. So, you do not get hundreds of profiles at once. Rather, one at a time. You can either “heart” it or reject it.
With each profile, the kinks and gender for the user is mentioned as well. Obviously, as expected, you can send messages to users without upgrading to the VIP status.
Opting for VIP offers you unlimited swipes, the “recall” feature so you can bring back profiles you rejected/accepted by mistake, and get a more “local” search-filter. Moreover, paying also will show you who visited your profile and who liked you.
It even has a verification feature. This helps you get found/ find legitimate members easily.
So, while it’s completely accessible on a browser (hence, making it a website like Fetlife), it’s actually better on the app.
This is more of an honourable mention. It’s not an exact alternative to Fetlife because it’s not exclusive to BDSM.
It still qualifies as one of the websites like Fetlife because it allows “naughty” hookups, whatever that word means to you.
It has a pretty impressive user-base for starters. You get access to user profiles, age, distance from your location, relationship status, physical features etc. for free.
The “looking for” preference or viewing photos in larger size however requires a payment. You do get 5 free messages though.
Pretty detailed profiles, they even include video intros. Photos containing nudity are locked behind a paywall as well.
It does have a great starter plan which starts at $0.99 and is charged per day!
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Final words- Which are the best sites like Fetlife?
List of best sites like Fetlife ends here. The best replacement for Fetlife is Ashley Madison. It’s already built on a concept that’s frowned upon by many. As a result, the members there already are open to more non-traditional relationships.
Obviously Alt, BondagePal and the other options too equally help you find kinky partners even though they lack Ashley Madison’s anonymity or user-base to an extent.
Regardless of which Fetlife alternative you go with, be sure to respect your partners. BDSM isn’t a replacement for “consent”.